ok so my new iMac died last Friday. Called AppleCare. “No problem” (say they) “just go to an AppleStore and they’ll take care of you!”
Uh, says I, the closest AppleStore is a 4.5 hour drive from here.
“No problem! We’ll just get you an on site repairman.”
Great, says I, “since I paid for a special APPLECARE plan that’s what I need.”
“Gotcha,” says they. “Hold one moment.”
ok, says I.
(after a fairly long “moment”)
“We going to have to ship the parts to an authorized repairman. They should arrive next Tuesday and the repairman will call then and set up an appointment.”
”Next Tuesday? I’m in the middle of working on my sermon and I really need help a lot quicker than that.”
“we understand,” says they, “but this is all we can do.”
ok, says I.
This past Tuesday:
AppleCare repairman calls “Sir?”
“We have the parts for your computer but we can’t come today — full load of repairs already — but maybe we can come tomorrow.”
MAYBE TOMORROW??? says I
“Yep, MAYBE tomorrow. Sorry sir but that’s the best we can do.”
ok, says I.
10:00 a.m. repairman calls, he’s on his way.
10:30 a.m. repairman enters church office. huzzah.
10:35 a.m. repairman says he’s only done one of these iMac computers before and they are horribly designed.
Huh? says I.
“Terrible design. It’s like these guys think that you’re never going to have to repair them!” says the “authorized” APPLE repairman.
10:40 a.m. Authorized repairman opens a box with a power cord FOR A MACBOOK, not an iMac. “Uh-oh,” says he.
“What do you mean, ‘uh-oh’?” says I
“Well, this is not encouraging. Wrong cord, probably wrong parts.” says the authorized repairman. “I need to give APPLE a call.”
Sure enough. Wrong parts. Plus, what is even more exciting, we have a repairman that has no idea what he’s doing.
Authorized repairman leaves with profuse apologies.
Saga continues. I call APPLE back and speak with a “products specialist.”
“You’d probably be better off just taking it to one of our APPLE stores,” says the PS.
“That’s not as easy as it sounds,” says I.
“oh, you’re not very close to a store are you?”
“well, maybe you can take it to Shreveport.”
“look, I can’t take the time to take it to Shreveport. What if you pay for it to be shipped there?”
“No can do. If you had a MACBOOK, we could do it but we don’t ship desktops.”
“really?” says I.
“yep,” says the APPLE PS, “you’re not by any chance going over to Shreveport any time soon?”
“I could call them and tell them you’re coming,” says my helpful APPLE PS guy.
“Listen,” says I, “I got your computer. It ain’t working and I need it to work. It should have been fixed today but y’all sent the wrong parts and a repairman that couldn’t distinguish this computer from a top hat. I got the special AppleCare protection plan in order to avoid all this sort of stuff. SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE. . . . . . Please.”
Now APPLE says they’re going to send a new computer to me, seeing as I’ve been “put out” but first I have to wait for an email containing the return labels and a release form.
Email? says I, ok.
6:30 p.m. still no email from APPLE.
How long before a dead APPLE computer starts to smell bad? Should I refrigerate or what?